No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
