Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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