what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she told me i tasted like america
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
