would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
