he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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