haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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