It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
jump out the window naked night went bad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
