By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
