I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
