I'm drive I can fine osifer
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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