I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
