the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize