i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
