I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize