"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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