Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize