It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
