I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
