My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
