tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
