I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
