I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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