Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
