...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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