The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
As shirtless as possible
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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