I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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