Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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