Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
