wanna go halves on a baby?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize