So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
