office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
