The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
