I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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