can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
