bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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