I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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