This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
