when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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