dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
