She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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