He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
