Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize