I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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