im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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