I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
