i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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