You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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