I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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