The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
