i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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