THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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