He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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