hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
