Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
