OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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