Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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