we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Alive.
So much puke
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
