His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
