She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
