Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
