did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize