It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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