I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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