Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
