who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
