she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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