im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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