wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
