i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
