can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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