I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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