can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
