You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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