I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
