its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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