put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
