No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
