are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
