My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
