im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize