So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
