I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Couch. On fire.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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