Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The air was thick with penises
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
