You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize