Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
