just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
