it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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