I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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