you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
