did you get engaged???
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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