he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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