evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
