I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize