Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
