so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
