We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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