I didn't shave. On purpose
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize